“God cares more about our response to His Spirit’s leading today, in this moment, than about what we intend to do next year. In fact, the decisions we make next year will be profoundly affected by the degree to which we submit to the Spirit right now, in today’s decisions...My hope is that instead of searching for ‘God’s will for my life,’ each of us would learn to seek hard after, ’the Spirit’s leading in my life today.'” - Francis Chan, Forgotten God "What does the Spirit want me to do today?” I asked myself. I put the book down. It was around 7:30 am, and I had been awake for 2 and a half hours. A sudden drowsiness had been overtaking me slowly as I read. My vision started to blur. I reread the same page over and over until… “Perhaps the Spirit wants me to sleep…” I thought. He didn’t. I asked for the sign of sleep paralysis to know for sure. He provided. I continued to fight a losing battle with sleep, and it really did feel like a battle. I had woken up this morning feeling pretty awake. I had showered, gotten dressed, my day had well started. Although I sought to spend my morning with God, my spirit was willing but my body was weak. This happened on Friday as well. And it tends to happen to me each Sunday. Perhaps there is a demon waiting for me every time I sit on that couch to read. Nevertheless, after countless instances of sleep paralysis mixed with countless realizations that I actually hadn’t gotten up yet like my dreams had convinced me I did, I jumped up from the couch around 9am. One and a half hours wasted. Each time this happens I pray for God’s help, some times more earnestly than others. There are mornings when I pray because I really want to stay awake for this time with Him, and He provides, and other mornings when I pray because sleep is going to overtake me and I make a last-ditch effort to escape, failing because I had let sleep get so close already. So to answer my first question, I think the Spirit wants me to listen closer and fight harder. I knew it wasn’t God’s intention for me to fall asleep in the middle of the time I had set aside for Him. I also knew that after the first instance of sleep paralysis I was given the answer I needed to get up from that couch and go for a walk and fight drowsiness like I have done before. But I didn’t listen and I barely fought at all. "Most of us use “I’m waiting for God to reveal His calling on my life” as a means of avoiding action. Did you hear God calling you to sit in front of the television yesterday? Or to go on your last vacation? Or exercise this morning? Probably not, but you still did it. The point isn’t that vacations or exercise are wrong, but that we are quick to rationalize our entertainment and priorities yet are slow to commit to serving God.” - Francis Chan, Crazy Love I am guilty of using “finding God’s will for my life” as an excuse for inaction in the present. I have heard the Spirit on many occasions leading me to do small and mundane things. Sometimes I will obey, but when I don’t, my excuse has something to do with the “necessity" for me to figure out God’s will for my life overall first. For example, I went on a walk yesterday and passed by a man with a shopping cart. The Spirit told me to talk to him. I said, “Good morning," and passed him by. The Spirit told me to go back, maybe offer to push his cart. I said, “I already said good morning,” and kept walking. The Spirit would not let this leave my heart for the remainder of my walk until I shoved the thought down with every effort in me. Where was that fight when my opponent was drowsiness? “And to expose our hearts to truth and consistently refuse or neglect to obey the impulses it arouses is to stymie the motions of life within us and, if persisted in, to grieve the Holy Spirit into silence.” - A.W. Tozer The truth is, I was embarrassed. I didn’t want to talk to that guy. I didn’t know what I would say and I thought it would just be an awkward, forced conversation. But so what if it was? So what if we are led into countless awkward, seemingly pointless conversations? If the Spirit tells us to do something, we should do it, having confidence in knowing that He need only lead and we need only follow. Do not grieve the Spirit into silence because you do not understand His motives. “All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you…When he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.” Follow that small, quiet voice today. Do not grieve the Spirit into silence today or else you will be tempted to do the same tomorrow, and on until death. You will wonder, “Why did God never reveal His will to me?” and He will say, “I did, but you did not listen.” Listen today, follow today, lest the Spirit be grieved into silence for the entirety of your life.
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We are not the main characters of our own lives. It is easy to think that our lives revolve around us—that our purpose is to somehow make something of our lives for ourselves in some way. We are plopped on the earth and live here for a short while, our lives are mist, here one second gone the next, and yet we think we are main characters. Think of how many people have lived and will live, and how many of them are now completely forgotten besides perhaps a line of recognition in a census that no one will read. Now think of the timeline of the universe, how long it has been around, and how long you have been around. Are we so arrogant to assume our lives have no greater purpose than to please ourselves? “Anyone who chooses to do the will of God will find out whether my teaching comes from God or whether I speak on my own. Whoever speaks on their own does so to gain personal glory, but he who seeks the glory of the one who sent him is a man of truth; there is nothing false about him.” John 7:17-18 Jesus sought to bring glory to God in everything He did. And so if we are called to be like Jesus, it must follow that our purpose is similar: to bring glory to God. God is the main character of all our lives, and we live to praise Him. We were created by Him and for Him. We are not our own, but we were bought at a price. You’ve probably heard these things said before, but have you taken a second to consider what they really mean? To me, they mean that I am not my own. Every decision I make and everything I have to offer—my time, talents, money, relationships, education, belongings—belong not to me but to the One who created me. And to His authority I submit myself. Even if He were to shake up my entire life and take away everything I loved, my purpose wouldn’t change. How could I point a finger at Him and say, “How could You do this to me?” when I know that the things I have were never mine to begin with and that He is with me, so what more do I need? As [Jesus] went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” John 9:1-3 Think of this story from a worldly perspective. They will say, “How cruel it is to force a man to suffer blindness for the entirety of his life just so that there may be an opportunity for a miracle to be done through him.” Now think of it as God being the main character. Our purpose is to glorify Him, and this blind man was given the opportunity to take part in Jesus glorifying Him! How lucky is this guy! Seriously, think about it. God used this man in a way that many were brought to believe in Jesus, and he himself received sight! If he had been able to see his whole life, he would have missed out on being a part of this amazing glorification of God. The same goes for a man like Job, who lost next to everything and himself was tortured with painful sores among other trials. But by persevering through it all and continuing to praise God, he did what he was put on the earth to do, and God blessed him all the more for it. “Yet at the same time many even among the leaders believed in [Jesus]. But because of the Pharisees they would not openly acknowledge their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue; for they loved human praise more than praise from God.” John 12:42-43 People like Job and the blind man were given praise from God. For most of us, though, we crave human praise. It is easy to think that we could persevere through any suffering for God’s glory, but when it comes down to it, human praise is a lot louder and a lot easier to obtain. Job himself was told to curse God by his wife. His friends were no good either. And surely when he was covered in painful sores, so much so that his friends couldn’t even recognize him, there was no human praise in his looks (a human praise many of us seek to obtain). But through all this, Job continued to praise God.
Human praise is nice for a little while. It feels good to be loved and adored by people you see often. But then you’ll die, and you’ll stand before God, and your human praise will not save you on that day. Why give up eternity for what lasts as long as a snap of your fingers? “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:4-7 I am not an emotional masterpiece, nor do I claim to be. In fact, I struggle with a lot of different emotions at times. I am often frustrated with myself for not seeking God enough. I am at times haunted by my past, and the devil would very much like me to wallow in self-loathing and regret. Today especially, I was in a trance it seemed. My eyes were weary, my flesh was weak. Though my spirit willed that I spend my morning with the Lord, my body was not strong enough. My mind wandered, I fell asleep (experiencing sleep paralysis twice in 40 minutes), and I went on a 30 minute walk to clear my head. Even now, as I am focusing on my work, my heart is heavy with old memories. But God is good. I do not often tell people about these types of days because I don’t find it necessary except to encourage them in their own rough days. I no longer need the immediate support of others to get past these difficult emotions. While a community is vital to emotional health and I do share these rough days with a select few, my main supporter is God and He has not let me down. In my past life I had high expectations for the people around me to know when I was down and to bring it up without me asking. Basically, I wanted them to read my mind. And when they wouldn’t notice, or their comfort wasn’t sufficient enough, I only felt worse. It is dangerous to depend on people first before depending on God. Other humans are necessary and we should never think they do not play significant roles in our lives, but God is our sole source of strength, peace, and comfort. I think of it like this: when you’re married, ideally, the main person you talk to about difficult situations is your spouse. They are with you the most (because you live together) and they are in your life to support you and you to support them. You will, of course, tell a select few of your other family members and friends as you see fit, but your spouse is your go-to. So should it be with God, even before a spouse. For while you can only live with a spouse, God lives in us. He is with us wherever we go, whatever time it may be, and listens with an eagerness to give us peace. He is our Great Comforter. We seek Him first, and then we can tell our spouse/friends/family. Otherwise, their support will never be enough. God provides a peace that transcends all understanding, and, Reader, let me tell you, this cannot be found anywhere else. While it is peaceful to be embraced by someone you love and their comfort is at times sufficient for the moment, God provides a comfort that transcends anything you can ever understand. Yes, even when the weight of the world is on your shoulders and you feel as if everything has gone wrong and stress has reached its max, God can provide you with the kind of peace that makes you say, “Why aren’t I worried about all this? I don’t understand.” Today was one of those days for me. Though my past haunts me as I am deeply wounded with regret and shame for my mistakes, and though my future looms over me as I anticipate extreme change and uncertainty approaching, I am in awe of the peace He has given me. “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you…And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” 1 Peter 5:7,10 Sometimes I question myself. Much of what I write here to encourage myself and others does not sound very loving. I write mainly of the change that needs to occur in our lives and the consequences that come when that change is not had. This is a message I am passionate about. But this is not a message the world is passionate about. The world would rather take Jesus’ love and hide His wrath. They want to be accepted for who they are in their sin. They believe a loving God is one who saves everyone no matter what, but this is not biblical. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16 You’ve probably heard this verse before. I have it memorized. It’s nice, because in and of itself, this message makes people think that all they must do to receive eternal life is say, “I believe in Jesus,” and go on living as they always have. But read what comes directly after this verse: “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son...Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.” John 3:17-18, 20 Jesus was not sent to damn us all to hell right then and there. Rather, He was sent to save us from this inevitable fate. Some of us will be damned to hell. Many of us, actually. But Jesus was sent to save those who were willing to believe, and not just believe, but to stop doing evil because those who do evil hate the light. Salvation is not just a couple words you say and try in your heart to believe. Yes, confessing that Jesus is Lord is an important part of it, but so is change. We cannot truly say we believe in and love Jesus if we continue to do evil. “This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God’s child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother and sister.” 1 John 3:10 Anyone who does not do what is right is a child of the devil. Yes, if someone says, “Jesus is Lord,” and does not repent of their sins, they are a child of the devil. Hard to hear, right? God is asking more of us than to just admit He is real. True belief comes with full repentance and a life change. Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again.” John 3:3 We need to be born again. We need to turn from our old ways of life, fulfilling the desires of the flesh. This means putting to rest all of our sins. This means becoming filled with the Spirit through baptism and allowing God to make us disgusted with our sins. Yes, even those who think they are inherently good because they have not murdered or committed adultery, etc., they too have sins to put aside. All have fallen short of the glory of God. Perhaps their sins are not as obvious as others and people call them good, but in the end we are not judged in relation to other people. We are judged in relation to the law, and all humans have broken the law and are equally deserving of punishment, and equally in need of God's grace. Reader, I know this post does not sound very loving. I know this post does not sound like it deserves the title I gave it. But tell me which is more loving: to butter you up with lies and tickle your ears with things you’d like to hear, allowing you to continue in the path that leads to eternal punishment? Or to tell you the truth of the Bible, which God has given us full access to, so that you may know what He requires of us to receive eternal life? Reader, this is an urgent message. So many of us are on the wide road which leads to destruction. We say, “God loves me, even though I continue in sin,” and we are not wrong, but God’s unstoppable love for you does not mean you will be saved. God desires to save all of us, He does not want to punish us, but He is Just, and He is clear that without His grace—without being born again and living new lives—we will not be saved. I question myself because the majority of Christian messages today do not sound like this. They are lathered in God’s unstoppable love, but they do not touch on His equally unstoppable wrath. God does love you. His love for you is unstoppable, and no sin you commit will ever keep Him from desiring to save you. But you cannot continue in a life of sin and expect to be saved. This is why I am confident in such a harsh message: It is the topic Jesus spoke of most. I am nearly done with reading the Gospels, and not once have I heard Jesus saying, “God loves all of you, repent because He loves you.” Yes, God loves us. The Gospel of John is clear about this in chapter 3. But what does Jesus say instead? “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near” (Matthew 3:2, 4:17; Mark 1:15). This Jesus, who died and rose to offer us salvation freely and gives us our whole lives to turn to Him, overturned tables in a temple with a whip (John 2:13-17), harshly called out people for their hypocrisy (Luke 11:39-52), and spoke openly and often of the punishment that awaits those who do not turn from their lives of sin (read the Gospels). Friends, the message of the world is diluted. God loves all sinners, but God will not save all sinners—only those who repent. This is Biblical. Read the Bible for yourself. Many will try to deceive you and tell you that God’s grace covers everyone. They will try to define what Compassion is and say that those who believe God sends some people to hell are not compassionate. But who are we to define God? He is Compassionate, and He is Just. In His Word, He has made clear the fate awaiting those who repent and those who don’t. Read the Scriptures for yourself. Don’t let anyone deceive you with messages that tickle your ears and sound too good to be true. “For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.” 2 Timothy 4:3-4 Read the Bible. Seriously. If you don’t, you’ll believe anything, and you’ll surely be deceived. Read it for yourself, test everything you hear to make sure it is in line with the Scriptures (yes, even what I write on this website—I am a flawed human being who errs in everything I say), or else you will not survive in this world that is full of false teaching. “God knows our situation; He will not judge us as if we had no difficulties to overcome. What matters is the sincerity and perseverance of our will to overcome them. Before we can be cured we must want to be cured. Those who really wish for help will get it; but for many modern people even the wish is difficult. It is easy to think that we want something when we do not really want it." - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity Here's the great news: we don't have to do this alone. Despite all this harsh talk about punishment if we don't change and about God being both Loving and Wrathful, He is still rooting for us. For the entirety of our lives He is on our side, eagerly waiting to welcome us into His presence with open arms. He really wants to save us, and His loving offer is open for anyone, no matter what they have done to offend Him in their pasts.
I used to look at my life and how many times I've messed up and how colossally I've messed up and think, "This just isn't going to happen for me. I must be evil." But God loves us so so much that He helps us. Yes, we need to repent and be baptized. Yes, there is punishment for those who continue to live in sin. But say the words, commit your life to God, seek after Him, and He will guide you in paths of righteousness. We will never be perfect, but God, who is Faithful and Just, is patient with our weaknesses and forgives us each time we stumble. We need only to keep getting back up and walking with Him. Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, “Who then can be saved?” Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:23-26 Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!” The disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said again, “Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” The disciples were even more amazed, and said to each other, “Who then can be saved?” Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” Mark 10:23-27 Jesus looked at him and said, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” Those who heard this asked, “Who then can be saved?” Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.” Luke 18:24-27 If these verses don't alarm you, they should. Chances are, if you’re reading this it is because you have access to internet and a computer or phone. In order to have access to these things, you probably live off of more than $2 per day. That makes you wealthier than more than half the world. So, you’re rich. People, especially in America, like to think they’re not rich. They like to think that because they have student loans to pay back, a mortgage on their house, and no car—they’re not rich. Yet they have food, shelter, and clothing in abundance. If you have everything you need, anything above that is riches. This terrifies me, because I am rich. I have a computer and a phone and many other things I don’t need. Riches aren’t a bad thing. In fact, read the book of Proverbs and you’ll learn that if you’re doing things right and working hard, you will probably become rich. God doesn’t want everyone to be poor. What terrifies me is that by being rich, we are at an extreme spiritual disadvantage. We are tempted to think that we have earned our riches by our own ability, that our stuff belongs to us, and that we are the sole reason for our riches. It becomes difficult to submit to God and to give anything and everything you have away when you can't realize that you are not your own and your stuff is not your own. Additionally, to whom much is given, much is expected. Don’t be like the farmer who stores up so much for himself that he doesn’t have to work for the rest of his life (Luke 12:16-21). When we are blessed with riches, God’s intention is not for us to hoard this all up for ourselves. He really does want us to give it away. “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.” Luke 12:48 So we need to be careful. It is easier for a camel to enter through the eye of a needle than it is for us to enter the kingdom of God. Lucky for us, all things are possible with God, but this isn’t a guarantee of salvation. Countless times in the Bible Jesus tells people how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God. Why else would we need to make every effort to do so (Luke 13:24)? And to think that it is even more difficult for those of us who do not lack in what we need is terrifying. But we can take heart in knowing that we have a God who fulfills His promises. Give more than you think you can afford and be generous with the time and stuff you have been given, for you are not your own and neither is what you have been given. “I am concerned for the poor but more for you. I know not what Christ will say to you in the great day…I fear there are many hearing me who may know well that they are not Christians because they do not love to give. To give largely and liberally, not grudgingly at all, requires a new heart; an old heart would rather part with its life-blood than its money. Oh my friends! Enjoy your money; make the most of it; give none away; enjoy it quickly for I can tell you, you will be beggars throughout eternity.” - Robert Murray M'Cheyne As I’ve been reading through the Gospels I have written down all the things Jesus has said that alarm me. I’m just over halfway through Luke and I already have a list of more than 60 phrases or parables Jesus has told that I must come to terms with in some way—and that’s assuming that I may have skimmed over things that are actually alarming without really thinking about them. I won’t be writing about all 60+ instances, but, as you can tell by the title, this will be a discussion I plan to revisit more than once. So let’s dive into the words of Jesus that compelled me to write today: Then [Jesus] told this parable: “A man had a fig tree growing in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it but did not find any. So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, ‘For three years now I’ve been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven’t found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?’ ‘Sir,’ the man replied, ‘leave it alone for one more year, and I’ll dig around it and fertilize it. If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.’” Luke 13:6-9 “He answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my family, for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.’ Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.’ ‘No, father Abraham,’ he said, ‘but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’ He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’” Luke 16:27-31 These verses are alarming to me. God is patient with us. He forbears punishment from us so that we may have time to bear fruit. He has given us everything we need—Moses and the Prophets—to teach us about God that we may repent and turn to Him. But He does not wait forever. His patience, kindness, and forbearance have only one purpose. “Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?” Romans 2:4 God is so good! He gives us our whole lives to turn to Him! Though we deserve punishment from the beginning, he gives us all of our years on earth to listen to Moses and the Prophets and turn to Him and repent. What alarms me is that this is not why most modern people praise God. People lift their hands to Him in thanks for His forgiveness without turning from their sins. They praise Him for every good thing and curse Him when things don’t go their way. They envision that a good God is one who saves all people, no matter how they live or what they do. But God is only kind to us so that we may repent. If we continue to live in our sin, similar to a fig tree which does not bear fruit, we will be cut down. “But unless you repent, you too will all perish.” Luke 13:5b Even more alarming, we hear these things and they don’t compel us. I grew up in church. I have only ever gone to Christian schools. I have spent the entirety of my life surrounded by Moses and the Prophets and I didn’t submit to God until 2 months ago. How terrifying it is to think that our hearts might be hard—that though we hear things, understanding is not yet given to us. Even the disciples experienced this when Jesus Himself told them that He would die. “But they did not understand what this meant. It was hidden from them, so that they did not grasp it, and they were afraid to ask him about it.” Luke 9:45 This brings me back to a previous post, Misunderstanding, where my unbelieving friend was questioning why God doesn’t just appear in front of us to tell us that He’s real. Then we’d surely repent, right? Apparently not, according to Jesus. Even if a dead man raised back to life to tell us to repent we would not be convinced if Moses and the Prophets had not already convinced us. This was crazy to me at first, but it has begun to make more sense as I meditate on it more and more. If our hearts are hard, God Himself could slap us in the face and we still wouldn’t repent. We cannot get to God on our own. We just can’t. God decides when our hearts will soften. It’s not up to us. Even if we read the Bible cover to cover and studied its every word, doing an exegesis on each passage, we still wouldn’t understand if God did not soften our hearts. Does that seem cruel? To make it so that we can never get to Him on our own? We are told to submit to God’s authority. We are also told to lean not on our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6) and to realize that God’s thoughts and ways are infinitely higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9). Everything happens in His timing. If it happened in our timing, it wouldn’t be submission. Submission involves accepting that you don’t get to make the big decisions, and you also don’t get to understand why each big decision was made. Are you willing to submit to a God who decides your fate and who determines whether or not you can understand? "Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts. Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will freely pardon.” Isaiah 55:6-7 Submit to God. Repent and be baptized. Pray that the Holy Spirit opens the eyes of your heart. If you are fervent, and if God wills, you will understand enough in God’s timing.
“All the people, even the tax collectors, when they heard Jesus’ words, acknowledged that God’s way was right, because they had been baptized by John. But the Pharisees and the experts in the law rejected God’s purpose for themselves, because they had not been baptized by John.” Luke 7:29-30 It is widely acknowledged that believers are called to do two main things in order to begin their Christian journey: (1) repent and (2) get baptized. Repenting makes the most sense to us. It is a complete 180-degree turn away from the lives we were living, asking for forgiveness and chasing after this new life. We no longer live in the sins of our past, satisfying the desires of our flesh. Instead, we become slaves to righteousness, seeking to become holy and blameless in God’s sight. The problem here is that we can never actually become holy and blameless in God’s sight. Even as slaves to righteousness, we still mess up—the only difference is now we know when we mess up and we can then be aware of when we need to ask for forgiveness. We end up living much better lives when we seek righteousness, but we never get it perfect. We are caught in the never-ending cycle of falling, and getting back up. “You must ask for God’s help. Even when you have done so, it may seem to you for a long time that no help, or less help than you need, is being given. Never mind. After each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again. For however important chastity (or courage, or truthfulness, or any other virtue) may be, this process trains us in habits of the soul which are more important still. It cures our illusions about ourselves and teaches us to depend on God. We learn, on the one hand, that we cannot trust ourselves even in our best moments, and, on the other, that we need not despair even in our worst, for our failures are forgiven. The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection.” - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity "The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection.” We will never be perfect, but that doesn’t mean we should stop trying to seek after righteousness. And what about that part in the beginning about asking for God’s help? In what way does God help us? Take another look at Luke 7:29-30. Notice the phrase because they had (or had not) been baptized. What did the people, even the tax collectors, gain by being baptized? They could acknowledge that God’s way was right. What did the Pharisees and the experts in the law suffer by not being baptized? They rejected God’s purpose for themselves. I personally believe faith has a lot to do with submitting to God’s authority, or, accepting His purpose for our lives. When we understand that all of creation is under His authority—even the wind and waves, and all demons, and especially ourselves—our faith is strengthened. We stop questioning God when His will for our lives doesn’t match our will for our lives. Jesus was marveled at the faith of the centurion, and look what he said: “But say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.” Luke 7:7b-8 Whatever Jesus says goes. People throughout the Bible are constantly in awe of how He spoke with authority, and how all creation obeys Him. How could we ever point a finger at this God and say, “Why would you let this happen?” when His perfect will is always at work? People today like to think that they are in control of their own lives. They like to think that they earned what they have, when absolutely everything has been given to us by Him. So, back to the point of this post: baptism. Why is that so important? Without baptism, we, like the Pharisees in Luke 7:30, are never going to be able to submit to God’s authority. Maybe we can understand that we need to submit in our heads, but change comes when this conviction reaches our hearts. How do we get this conviction to reach our hearts? We need the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit fills the hearts of His believers when we are baptized. Of course, there are instances where people were born with the Holy Spirit already in them (ex: John), but the general rule is that if we want the Holy Spirit to reside in us, we have to get baptized. I was baptized as an infant. I’m not in any position to say that this is or is not a legitimate way to receive the Holy Spirit, but I can say that up to September 16 of this year, I definitely did not live as if the Holy Spirit was residing in me. God has placed on my heart the necessity for me to get baptized now, because though He has pulled me close to Him and speaks to me through His Word, I am in dire need of the Advocate He has sent to all believers. “But very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you...I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear. But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.” John 16:7,12-13 How could anything be better than having Jesus directly in front of you, guiding you and speaking to you? But yet Jesus Himself tells His disciples that the receiving of His Holy Spirit is better than His presence on earth. Do you believe that? Then get baptized.
“Whom have you so dreaded and feared that you have not been true to me, and have neither remembered me nor taken this to heart? Is it not because I have long been silent that you do not fear me?” Isaiah 57:11, NIV “Who talked you into the pursuit of this nonsense, leaving me high and dry, forgetting you ever knew me? Because I don’t yell and make a scene do you think I don’t exist?” Isaiah 57:11, MSG As a general rule for myself, I tend to use the New International Version whenever I quote the Bible. It’s the version that the majority of the world reads and I think there is value in that. For Isaiah 57:11, however, I found the MSG version interesting. It reminds me of the tone a jealous girlfriend might have when she says to her boyfriend, “Why do you keep looking at her like that? Am I not as pretty as her?” “Because I don’t yell and make a scene do you think I don’t exist?” It’s a disturbing question to me for two main reasons: (1) God knows that yelling and making a scene will convince us He exists. (2) God doesn’t yell and make a scene. One of my unbelieving friends was asking me a while back why God doesn’t just speak to His people. Wouldn’t it be so much easier to believe in God if He appeared before all of us and was just like, “Hey guys, just here to let you know that I’m real, so, yeah. Believe in me.”? I didn’t have a good answer, and I still don’t. For a while I went with the whole, “Well, I mean, technically God never really spoke to His people because He used prophets. And even then, in the instances when He spoke to His prophets, there’s no specification that it was a loud, booming voice and not just the small, quiet voice that Christians also hear today (with the exception of the baptism of Jesus in which God’s voice is specified).” It’s not a horrible argument. Maybe it’s not theologically sound, or maybe it is, I don’t know. I’m not a biblical scholar. The point is, that response does not at all answer the question. Even if in the past God didn’t speak to His people directly, the question then becomes why didn’t He then and why doesn’t He now? I can think of a couple good reasons now. Perhaps God only wants whole-hearted believers, so He remains silent in order that we may work our way into His presence, and only those who are genuine will get to hear Him. But then someone can say, “I thought God wants all people to believe.” And He does. He stands waiting with wide open arms for us to turn to Him. Does His remaining silent contradict His open arms? “Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts. Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will freely pardon. ‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.'” Isaiah 55:6-9 Here’s what I have discovered in my quest to understand why God doesn’t speak to us today: I don’t know, and I never will. Even if I or someone else were to come up with some amazing, theologically sound answer that explains perfectly God’s motives for not speaking…I don’t know if I’d be able to buy it. We just can’t reason like God reasons. We can’t look at the things God does and try to understand His thought-process. We can’t say, “Well, obviously God did this because He was thinking _____.” All we know about God is all He has revealed to us in His Word, and that’s enough. We know He loves us and we know His ways are perfect. We know He made a way for us to be saved and we know what we should and shouldn’t be doing. Just seek the Lord while He may be found—while you still have time. Get to know God. Nothing else matters as much as that. Don’t let your life pass you by without deeply seeking after the One who gave it to you. You get to choose life or death. Choose life. “Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them? For from him and through him and for him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.” Romans 11:33-36 Disclaimer: I understand that some reading this may think that I do not believe God speaks to His people today. I believe He does. I have heard Him myself—through a small, quiet voice in my head, through His Word, and through the words of others. I have not, however, experienced God’s voice as an audible voice, speaking directly to me as a friend would. This is what I mean when I say God does not speak to us today. Perhaps some people have experienced God’s voice as loud and audibly as anyone else talking to them. That is wonderful, and I would love to experience that. However, the point of my post remains the same. Whether or not God speaks to us in this way today, we are still not able to know His motives, and we shouldn't attempt to understand.
Someone asked him, “Lord, are only a few people going to be saved?” He said to them, “Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to. Once the owner of the house gets up and closes the door, you will stand outside knocking and pleading, ‘Sir, open the door for us.’ But he will answer, ‘I don’t know you or where you come from.’ Then you will say, ‘We ate and drank with you, and you taught in our streets.’ But he will reply, ‘I don’t know you or where you come from. Away from me, all you evildoers!’" Luke 13:23-27 I know next to nothing about Greek, but as I’ve been reading the New Testament, I’ve noticed that the phrase “make every effort” is used repeatedly by Jesus, Paul, and Peter. Thanks to a sermon by Francis Chan, I learned that this phrase in the Greek is “agonizomai” which means, "to endeavour with strenuous zeal, strive” or, as Francis Chan said, “to agonize over.” In other words, it really does mean to make every effort. What does it look like to make every effort, then? I think of it like running a race. When you’re running, you’re going to make sure every step you take is equally as effortful as the last. Successful runners won’t give themselves breaks and say, “I’ll run really fast for a couple minutes, then I’ll walk for bit.” They learn to keep an even, steady pace in which each stride is as fast as the last. So apply that to what Jesus is saying in Luke 13, and it sounds like we need to be constantly working to enter through that narrow door. There are no breaks in Christianity. Agonizomai does not look like reading the Bible whenever we have free time, or praying when we want something. Agonizomai looks like putting aside as much time as we possibly can to know God, so that at the end of our lives He won’t say to us, “I don’t know you or where you come from.” It looks like agonizing over how we can make sure each time we come into God’s presence, we are really working to get close to Him—how we can lean into God as much as we can in every moment. Here are a couple other instances where agonizomai is used: “For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.” 2 Peter 1:5-9 “But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells. So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him.” 2 Peter 3:13-14 “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” Romans 14:19 “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.” Hebrews 12:14 “There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience.” Hebrews 4:9-11 “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3 So, in accordance with the above verses, here’s a list of things the Bible is saying we should agonize over:
There’s so much here that’d I’d love to discuss more, and I will in future posts, but for now I see it unnecessary. The Bible is always sufficient. Reader, I ask that you would go back and reread those verses. Really pray and meditate over what applying that agonizing effort to your life would look like. Do you feel like you’re already striving to do those things with every effort in you? If not, what can you do to change that? “For God has bound everyone over to disobedience so that he may have mercy on them all.” Romans 11:32 I will not spend much time on the details of what brought me to rock bottom, as I believe the miraculous recovery is what matters most in this story. So to sum things up, I lived a life of disobedience. Though I grew up going to church and experienced God in random occasions every once in a while, and though I believed I was genuinely seeking the Lord for many months straight, daily reading the Bible and praying, I did not find Him. I was bound to disobedience—writhing in anger, judgment, and selfish pride. Eventually my sins multiplied and I got to a point where I had ruined everything. This is all very vague, and for good reason, because you, the reader, may have your own testimony and if it—in its own vague form—sounds somewhat similar to mine, perhaps my experience can shine light into yours. For through being bound to my disobedience, God has revealed His infinite mercy. So I hit rock bottom. I was ashamed of myself, hating myself more than I had every hated anyone else. I was depressed, suicidal, and I thought of myself as the scum of the earth—the worst of sinners, absolutely worthless. This was good for me. Previous to this incident, I struggled with pride. So to hit a point of despair in going from loving myself too much to wishing I could end my own life was good for me. However, if I had stayed there, it may not have ended as well. Pride is dangerous, but depression can lead to suicide and at least the prideful person still has the rest of his life to recognize the error of his ways and repent. Luckily, the Holy Spirit was at work, and I experienced a miraculous recovery. My whole life I had been trying to logic my way to God. Instead of letting Him in and submitting to His authority I thought I could figure Him out on my own. I was basically trying to know God without being in a relationship with Him, and I had expected that I could do it all myself. My prayers were never for God to open the eyes of my heart and permeate everything and every part of me. I wanted Him to fit neatly around the life I had created for myself, and when He wouldn’t, I gave up. What I had not realized is that it’s not up to me whether or not I “find” God. I don’t get to decide when I truly believe in Him or what parts of my life He can change. He reveals Himself to me in His timing. Until He said otherwise, my heart was hardened. "Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.” Romans 9:18 What I was missing in my whole pursuit of God was an understanding of the Holy Spirit. I never thought much of the Holy Spirit. I knew the Father and the Son, but the Spirit just seemed to me like a third wheel. However, after hitting rock bottom, the Spirit quickly became more and more important. For it was the Holy Spirit within me that softened my heart so that I could get to know God. I remember the exact day and moment this all began. It was a Sunday, September 16, of this year. I had barely gotten through the week without walking into traffic. I was so ready and so desperate to end it all. And as I weighed my options I decided, what if I just give up? "You can give up your life entirely—like killing yourself without actually killing yourself. Die to yourself. Give up control of your life to the One who created it. See if He can do a better job with this mess you’ve made. Die to yourself, and allow Him to live in you. Meditate on His Word daily, hourly, by the second. Take every thought captive and make it obedient to Him; make every effort to keep your eyes fixed on Him. Become a slave to righteousness. Worst case scenario, it doesn’t work and you choose one of the other options. Best case scenario, you get to experience the love that surpasses all understanding, you get to follow the one who has set out the best possible way to live, and you can be free from the burden of your sin, free from the weight it bears on you, free from the pain it grows inside you, free from the poison it spreads throughout your very soul. Best case scenario, you can finally be whole.” - Myself, September 23 So I did just that. I gave up. And since then, I have felt the Holy Spirit working within me more and more each day. As I pray for God to continually reveal Himself to me, that I may hear what He has to say and discern His will for me, the Holy Spirit has been pleading on my behalf that these things may be revealed to me. For the rest of my days I will seek to know God deeper and deeper. Then, at long last, I can finally die and be with Him. “As believers we can never be ‘done’ with God. He is infinite and we are finite; there will always be more of His character to discover, more of His love to experience, and more of His power to use for His purposes.” - Francis Chan, Forgotten God In arrogance I had incorrectly assumed three things: (1) That I could get to a point where I had God figured out, not realizing that I’ll spend my whole life learning more and more about Him and never getting the whole picture because there’s so much more to Him than I ever expected. (2) That I didn’t need God’s grace. Before, my sins didn’t seem so severe to me. It took ruining my life to realize how horrible I really am, and how desperately I need God’s grace and mercy. (3) That I could do this on my own. Apart from the Holy Spirit, we can never know God. It is through the Spirit’s power that we are able to believe, not by our own wisdom. “I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.” 1 Corinthians 2:3-5 |
AuthorFighting complacency and advocating change in myself for the world around me. Posts by Date
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