“Tell the people: ‘Consecrate yourselves in preparation for tomorrow, when you will eat meat. The Lord heard you when you wailed, “If only we had meat to eat! We were better off in Egypt!” Now the Lord will give you meat, and you will eat it. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, ten or twenty days, but for a whole month—until it comes out of your nostrils and you loathe it—because you have rejected the Lord, who is among you, and have wailed before him, saying, “Why did we ever leave Egypt?”’” The Israelites were constantly underestimating the power of God. Even Moses, who had seen God on Mount Sinai and talked with God face to face, thought, “There’s no way God could possibly provide that much meat for this many people for a whole 30 days.” Isn’t that such an insane thing to think, though? How could it be too much for the Creator of the Universe, who is all-powerful and set billions upon billions of galaxies and their intricate details in motion, to provide meat for 600,000-ish men (not including women)? God created more than 350,000,000,000 galaxies (which is still a controversial estimate according to Francis Chan in his book, Crazy Love). Look at how many more zeros are in the number of galaxies than the number of those men. That’s roughly 583,000 galaxies per Israelite male. Which is easier to sustain? One small, tiny human or about 583,000 galaxies? So I’ll ask you, reader: what has God promised you in your life that you underestimate He can provide? I was recently talking with a friend who is struggling financially. She couldn’t register for classes because there was a hold on her account from an amount too high for her to pay. She prayed about it, and God provided. The amount was almost instantly pushed to next semester so she could register. God worked an amazing miracle in her life. But then she went on to say, “I still struggle with anxiety over my finances though. He can provide miracles like that, but He can’t make my stress go away completely.” I didn’t consider it until later, but in that moment she sounded a lot like Moses—not questioning God’s ability to provide, but questioning His ability to provide abundantly. Sure, it would’ve been easy for God to provide meat for the Israelites, but He promised so much meat that they would be sick of it—not just for one day, but for a whole month. That’s when Moses began to question Him. Similarly, it’s easy for God to provide a financial miracle for my friend here and there, every once in awhile, but He promises so much more than that. Is the Lord’s arm too short to make her stress go away completely? She’s still going to have to pay her finances of course, but why worry? “Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our lives.” - Francis Chan, Crazy Love “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 God promises peace that transcends understanding. I myself have experienced this. I’ve struggled a lot with loneliness the past few months after losing my boyfriend and the close friendships that encircled him. Oftentimes I am brought to tears upon the realization that I don’t have close friends around me to whom I can confide in during the moments I need them most. But I have God. And countless times, in the midst of my tears, He has grabbed hold of me and said, “You have all you need in Me.” Is His arm too short to provide me more than the comfort of a close friend in person? Of course not! There is no greater love than His. “God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” Numbers 23:19 Cling to the promises of God—promises to never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5, Matthew 28:20, Isaiah 41:10, Deuteronomy 31:6,8) and to give you His peace (John 14:27, Philippians 4:6-7). Promises to provide all that you need as He clothes the flowers and feeds the birds (Matthew 6:25-34) and to heal the brokenhearted (Psalm 147:3). God will fulfill His promises.
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The Lord said to Moses: “Give Aaron and his sons this command: ‘These are the regulations for the burnt offering: The burnt offering is to remain on the altar hearth throughout the night, till morning, and the fire must be kept burning on the altar. The priest shall then put on his linen clothes, with linen undergarments next to his body, and shall remove the ashes of the burnt offering that the fire has consumed on the altar and place them beside the altar. Then he is to take off these clothes and put on others, and carry the ashes outside the camp to a place that is ceremonially clean. The fire on the altar must be kept burning; it must not go out. Every morning the priest is to add firewood and arrange the burnt offering on the fire and burn the fat of the fellowship offerings on it. The fire must be kept burning on the altar continuously; it must not go out." Leviticus 6:8-13 The above passage probably seems pretty unrelated to today. We don’t offer burnt offerings anymore—Jesus provided the ultimate atonement so we no longer have to. However, I was always taught that when a teacher repeats something more than once, take note. Here, the Lord three times repeats, “The fire on the altar must be keep burning,” or the like. This immediately caught my attention, so I dug a little deeper. In the Old Testament, phrases were repeated three times as a common way to provide emphasis (Jeremiah 22:29, Ezekiel 21:27, Isaiah 6:3). Professor William D. Barrick refers to this as an "emphatic Semitic triplet.” I didn’t look much farther than this because I got the point: something repeated three times is to be emphasized. So what was repeated three times? That the fire must be kept burning on the altar. What do we know about the altar? Well, we know that the altar is in the tabernacle which is where God’s presence dwelled among the people of Israel as they journeyed to the promised land. So it is vital that the fire where God’s presence was located be kept burning. But where is that tabernacle today? Where is God’s presence found today? Well, according to Paul, we are the temples. God’s presence is found within us. “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own.” 1 Corinthians 6:19 Priests had to continuously keep the fire on the altar burning. They couldn’t just forget about it and go about their day. Keeping that fire burning was constantly on the forefront of their mind. When it got low, they immediately noticed and added firewood. They never let the fire die. Similarly, we need to put this same effort into being attentive to God’s fire within us. Do you ever forget to be slow to anger, slow to speak, and quick to listen? Or to not be wise in your own eyes? Or to love others before yourself and count them as more significant than you? I know I do. I’m not perfect. And we never will be perfect. Truthfully, we’ll never be able to successfully meditate on God every moment, take every thought captive and make it obedient to Him, love God with all our heart, soul, strength, fear God and shun evil, etc. Nevertheless, that does not mean that we should not remain attentive to that fire within us. Add firewood each time it gets low. Meditate on the Word, pray without ceasing, take your thoughts captive, fight the good fight of faith. If the fire dies, spark it back up. Keep that passion and that first love for God burning; it must not go out. “I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first.” Revelation 2:2-4 It’s not just about what we do on the outside. God wants our hearts. That passion and excitement and feeling of overwhelming love we received when we first knew, really knew God—that is the fire that must be kept burning. That is the fire that must never go out. Pray that this relationship with God and pursuit of Him through prayer and reading the Bible never becomes routine for you, reader. Pray that you never obey just out of obligation or guilt. Keep the fire burning. Do not forsake the love you had at first.
“David asked the soldiers standing nearby, 'What will a man get for killing this Philistine and ending his defiance of Israel? Who is this pagan Philistine anyway, that he is allowed to defy the armies of the living God?'” 1 Samuel 17:26 The story of David and Goliath is an epic narrative of the power of faith, love, and fear of the Lord. What I find most remarkable about this story was David’s motivation for battling Goliath. He didn’t do it for his glory as his brothers may have accused him, and he surely didn’t do it mainly for the reward (perhaps there was a little motivation there too). He did it because he was offended that someone was defying the armies of the living God. In other words, he was angry that someone he loved was being cursed. You’ve probably felt this way. You’ve definitely felt this way if you’ve ever loved someone who has been hurt. For parents, it’s a guarantee they’ll be the first to get angry when someone curses their children. Even for friends the bond is strong enough to feel this same way. You will likely not think twice before hurting (or being angry at) anyone who tries to hurt someone you love. Now, of course, this isn’t exactly a biblical response. We are supposed to love our enemies and forgive them, especially since our enemies are also flawed human beings who probably also love people enough to hurt anyone who hurts them. But at the same time, you would never say to someone who just cursed your loved one, “It’s okay. I forgive you. Keep talking.” Should we forgive the unjust? Of course. Should we tolerate injustice? No. “Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.” Isaiah 1:17 And many people are well aware of this. Few will tolerate hateful speech, crime, mass shootings, the oppression of the poor, fatherless, or widows. But what about when it comes to God? How much injustice/defiance are we tolerating of the living God? I have been in a lot of pain recently watching the media and people around me misuse the name of God and throw it around without reverence. How many times have you heard, “Oh my [sometimes the f-word is placed here] God,” or “Jesus Christ!” or “God is a woman,” or “I swear to God,” used casually or angrily? Even when they’re not actually referring to God Himself? As a kid I was always told never to say, “Oh my God,” in anger because it is offensive to God. My response was always, “Why would He care? If He knows I’m not actually meaning to offend Him, is He really offended?” And honestly, maybe not. All I know for sure on this topic is that we are commanded not to misuse His name. I can’t tell you if He’s actually offended because I am not Him. Even so, I’m offended—like David was and like you would be for any of your loved ones. And your loved ones aren’t even Holy and All-Powerful and All-Knowing and Almighty and Awesome and Worthy of all praise. Who are we, mere human beings, created by the One whose character we don’t even consider when we say these things, to throw His Holy name around as if it means nothing? To use it as a meaningless term in a phrase that doesn't even refer to the Creator Himself? Maybe I’m overreacting, but when I consider how I have been feeling about all this, David’s quote from 1 Samuel comes to mind. Who are these people to defy the living God by using His name without reverence? Perhaps it is because they do not know Him. Many strangers will improperly treat people they do not know. That doesn’t make it any less wrong to not give proper respect as it is owed. Perhaps it is because not enough have spoken up that this misuse has become normalized. “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.” Exodus 34:6-7 Now, God is slow to anger and abounding in love. He said so Himself to Moses. He forgives wickedness, rebellion and sin. But to forgive requires repentance. “But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God’s wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed.” Romans 2:5 I don’t think it’s a requirement for Christians to feel this way—offended when someone misuses the name of the Lord. And maybe saying things like “Oh my God” is not an actual misuse of the Lord’s name and I’m just over-defining it. Still, I think that if we really deeply know and love God and understand His Holiness, we could never tolerate any defiance of the living God.
“How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death…But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.” Psalm 13:1-3, 5-6 In my last post I talked about a time I went through of feeling perceived distance and estrangement from God, doubting what He has done for me. It seems this period of distance and estrangement has continued as, even after baptism and the emotion tied to it, I still feel like I’m missing something. I do not seek to discourage, but only to write what I feel necessary to address. I have written about difficult times in my faith before, and God has always shown up. It seems, however, that the current period has lasted much longer than I would like. Last night I was weighed down with frustration in feeling this estrangement from God. I opened up the Psalms to find a prayer that expressed my cry to God and almost immediately found Psalm 13, which is word for word my prayer. That was no coincidence. It is proof that God hears me. So I wrote a song about it. “‘Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again? Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion?' Then I thought, ‘To this I will appeal: the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand. I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on your mighty deeds.’ Your ways, God, are holy. What god is as great as our God?” Psalm 77:7-13 I speak somewhat often of my fear of repeating my spiritual mistakes from last year. Long story short, I had a shallow relationship with God. I read and reflected on the Bible daily, but never applied it to my life and rarely if ever spoke to God in prayer. I became very judgmental and quickly gave up on God, which led to my mistakes over the summer. There is a stark difference between this year and last year, however, and in this difference I find confidence: my faith is no longer one of many options—it is the air I breathe. What I mean by that is this: last year, I had just come back from experiencing a beautiful encounter with God in Australia. It was wonderful to feel Him so closely, much more wonderful than life without that closeness, so I chose to pursue faith. When that closeness did not repeat itself, I gave up. I had lived just fine without that closeness before, right? I was only in it for my benefit. This year, I am once again distraught in the lack of closeness I have felt recently. But this year, I have no other options to turn to. God is sustaining me, completely. Though I feel not His immediate presence, I am well aware that I would crumble under the weight of my sins if He was not holding my burden even now as I feel distant. Sometimes it is difficult to breathe. Perhaps we are sick and our nose is stuffed up, or maybe we (like myself) have asthma. Does this mean we can, in our frustration, just give up and stop breathing? That would be absolutely absurd. So, continuing with the above analogy, my nose is stuffed up. I have not been able to breathe as smoothly as I once did. But I am confident in this: God has been faithful. His love is unfailing. His promises endure forever, and I have hard evidence of how He has shown up miraculously in my past. Though this spiritual “sickness” in the form of perceived distance and estrangement may last for a while, He will not hide His face from me forever. So I will patiently wait. “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Psalm 27:14 I was baptized today. Here is a recollection of my baptism and the major events before and after it. Tuesday, November 13, 2018 I met with Pastor Dale to share my testimony. He explained the baptism purpose and process. He told me baptism is the most exciting thing he can do as a pastor. It puts a huge smile on God’s face, and there is rejoicing in heaven. Then he told me to come up with something short to say as to why I’d like to be baptized. Wednesday, November 14, 2018 Upon waking up at 5:30am, the following words came into my head. I recorded them in my phone at 5:34am: “Why do I want to get baptized? As a testimony to myself that I’m no longer living in sin. As a testimony to others that I have a new life in Christ. As a testimony to God that He gets to make the decisions now, That I’ll spend the rest of my life giving all the glory to Him.” I didn’t consider anything else to say instead. It was obvious those words came to me for a reason. I didn’t look at them very closely beforehand so they came out a bit different during the service, but the main points remained. Before December 2, 2018 Since giving my life to Christ on September 16, I had not experienced so much perceived distance and estrangement from God as I did in the weeks leading up to my baptism. I doubted that He had ever shown me His love, I had forgotten how He revealed to me His presence, and at one point I almost gave up on faith completely out of fear for repeating my past. But God is good, and He wasn’t about to let me go. He reminded me of His love for me and how He displayed it, and He helped me not to be so hard on myself. Sunday, December 2, 2018 Before I was nervous, but I had a good morning with the Lord. The service went well. When asked why we wanted to get baptized, I said the following: “I want it to be a testimony to myself that I’m no longer a slave to sin, a testimony to others that I have a new life in Christ, and in obedience to God who gets to make all the decisions now.” Pastor Dale asked if he could put me on the spot. I complied. He then asked me to shortly explain how I came to Jesus and what happened leading up to this decision. I responded: “I was in a lot of sin over summer and I hurt someone that I loved very much and that put me in a very dark place, but God found me in that darkness.” During I stepped in the pool. It was cold, and strange to get my clothes soaked, but I was no longer nervous. Pastor Dale had me state my full name, and he baptized me in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I was dunked backwards. When I came up, I felt different. I was shaking, though not visibly, but inside I was shaking immensely. I was overwhelmed with emotion that I could not and did not portray (I knew this because how I looked on video did not accurately represent how I felt). I was in shock, in awe. It felt like minutes that I trembled in the pool, but it was only seconds. My hand wouldn’t leave my heart. When I finally got out and was embraced by my mom with a towel, I cried. Not much, but I cried. Overwhelmed with emotion is the closest description I have for how I felt--overwhelmed to the point of being unable to display it outwardly. I am in awe that I am forgiven and saved. After what I had done, I was sure it was the end for me. I was sure I was done for. I had figured God was proud of me up until my most horrible sin, but I believe now God has never smiled bigger at my life than in that moment, and neither had I. I feel joy, pure joy. I am confident I have God’s Advocate with me now. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. After I got some congratulations from people in the congregation—some I knew, some I didn’t. My roommate made a surprised remark about Pastor Dale putting me on the spot, but a stranger told me that my testimony was powerful. When I was confirmed in the Lutheran Church as a middle-schooler we were asked to choose our favorite verse in the Bible. I hadn’t read much of the Bible at that point, but I knew without a doubt the second I read it that my favorite verse was Genesis 50:20. "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Genesis 50:20 Except rather than telling this to my brothers who sold me into slavery like Joseph did, my version is said to Satan himself: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what has now been done, the saving of my life.” I never understood why I always loved that verse so much. Now I finally get it. I messed up when I fell so far into sin I thought I’d never get back up, but God used that to finally get it through my thick skull that He is all I need. “Anything that causes me to find God is a huge blessing, no matter how painful it was at the time.” - Francis Chan |
AuthorFighting complacency and advocating change in myself for the world around me. Posts by Date
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