“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23 Have you ever said something or did something you regretted? Have you ever told yourself afterwards, “Okay, lesson learned. I’m not going to do this again”? And, after having told yourself this, have you done it again? If you answered no to all these questions, good for you. I can’t relate. If you answered yes to all these questions, you’ve experienced the failure that follows changing your mind without changing your heart. “You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” Matthew 12:34 Some scholarly researchers have argued that biblical references to “heart” and “mind” are the same in meaning. God said that David was a man after His own heart (1 Samuel 13:14), which many scholars believe means David was a man after God’s own mind. Lucky for me I am not a biblical scholar and lucky for us not everyone has to be in order to get what God is saying in His word, so I’m going to assume “heart" means heart and “mind" means mind. So what does it mean that you speak what your heart is full of? And why is it that we can know we shouldn’t do/say/think certain things, but we still do/say/think them anyway? I think the “heart” being referenced here is a lot more complex than we can understand, for this is the same “heart” that God can harden in order to darken our understanding. “They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts.” Ephesians 4:18 By this logic, you cannot even get close to wrapping your mind around certain truths when your heart is hard. This is a difficult subject. In one sense our hearts are always going to be hardened to a certain degree because we can never fully understand God. But in another sense, if our hearts are too hardened, we will be ignorant, separated from the life of God, and overflowing with evil. For instance, has your heart ever been so hard that you didn't even feel guilty when you were in sin until the extremity of what you had done finally clicked? When our hearts are hard, even our own guilty conscience can't understand what's going on. The heart is a powerful influencer in our actions and reactions. Which is why it is important to guard our hearts. The very thing which causes us to overflow with evil actions/thoughts/words is the very thing we must fight to protect and fight to keep obedient to Christ. But though we already know our hearts can cause us to do evil even when our minds are well aware of the good we should seek, what can we even do to guard our hearts? “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 The answer is prayer. In most instances, the answer is always prayer. As much as you may think your mind is strong enough to battle the impulses of the evil that overflows from your heart, you’re wrong. You can’t. Your mind isn’t strong enough. Your heart will win every time. Guard your heart by praying to God, and His peace will guard both your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. That’s the answer. "Though certain I knew who I was quite well,
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I am a fool. I can say a lot to sound wise, and people can tell me I articulate my thoughts well, but at my very core I am a fool. I am quick to speak, quick to assume, and slow to admit my errors. Pride makes it difficult to see when we are in need of correction. Sometimes it takes the lovingly harsh rebuke from others to finally realize things we must repent and turn from. But there is a way to keep tabs on ourselves as well, and that is through self-reflection. “Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test?” 2 Corinthians 13:5 “Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord.” Lamentations 3:40 In a world where it is common to run on autopilot, it is no strange thing to regret our thoughts, words, and deeds. We are hardwired to act on impulse, and it seems strange to fight our impulses rather than letting them take the lead. What we need to understand, though, is that we are by nature sinful and so it is actually necessary to battle our impulses. It is difficult to sit in silence when you are itching to speak up, but have you consulted the Spirit? If you haven’t, and He doesn’t want you to speak, then you’ll probably regret what you say. We end up regretting everything we do out of step with the Spirit. I have never self-reflected before. In fact, this morning was my first time. But in my time of self-reflection I was able to come up with quite a list of things I had done wrong just yesterday. Rude comments, assumptions, prideful arguments, etc. All within the course of one day. Sure, I started that day the same as any other—with Bible reading and prayer—but a hearty breakfast won’t keep you from the pangs of hunger that will come later in the day. “Indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.” Proverbs 2:3-5 How can a person be wise? By fearing the Lord. We’ve discussed this before. So then, how can a person learn to fear the Lord? By searching for insight and understanding as if digging for gold. But as we learned in a previous post about Job, wisdom cannot be found anywhere on the earth, so what does that search for wisdom look like? “Repent at my [wisdom’s] rebuke! Then I will pour out my thoughts to you, I will make known to you my teachings.” Proverbs 1:23 It all comes down to repentance. And you can’t repent if you don’t know you’re sinning, and you can’t know you’re sinning if you aren’t self-reflecting--examining your ways and testing yourself against the Scriptures to find where your thoughts, words, and deeds do not line up. So what does self-reflection look like? If you’ve never done it before then you can use the template a friend gave me which was very effective for me this morning. Basically, you spend some time each morning (or evening) going through everything that you thought, said, and did the day before and you ask yourself these questions:
If it is helpful to you, here is an example of some of my reflections from this morning about things I did yesterday:
The idea of these self-reflections is not to self-hate. It is a way to examine your actions and realign them with what is said in the Scriptures. It gives you the opportunity to dig deep into yourself and figure out why you are not acting as the Scriptures say you should so that you can repent and pray God will give you the wisdom and understanding to not repeat the same mistakes. And by finding biblical evidence that supports or refutes your own actions, you strengthen your biblical knowledge and accumulate references for if you or someone else experiences a similar situation in the future. These reflections should move you to action. "The complacency [uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one’s achievements] of fools will destroy them” Proverbs 1:32b. Don’t become complacent. Test and examine yourself daily. Ask God for wisdom. I cannot stress how important a practice like self-reflection is, and I’ve only just begun doing it today. We are by nature sinful, so there will always be something for us to reflect on, repent of, and ask God for help with. Don’t ever assume you’re doing everything right. “You must ask for God’s help. Even when you have done so, it may seem to you for a long time that no help, or less help than you need, is being given. Never mind. After each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again. For however important chastity (or courage, or truthfulness, or any other virtue) may be, this process trains us in habits of the soul which are more important still. It cures our illusions about ourselves and teaches us to depend on God. We learn, on the one hand, that we cannot trust ourselves even in our best moments, and, on the other, that we need not despair even in our worst, for our failures are forgiven. Below is a paraphrase I wrote of the book of Job. Following is a short commentary on the themes I noticed and my thoughts on what I learned from this book. If you have already read Job or wish to learn from the book without actually reading it or my paraphrase, skip down to where it says, “Themes." Job was blameless and upright. He feared God and shunned evil. He was very wealthy. The Lord allowed Satan to strike everything Job had to test and see if Job would curse the name of the Lord. Job’s oxen, donkeys, servants, sheep, camels, sons, and daughters were all murdered or taken (except for a few messengers who survived to let Job know this happened). Job still did not curse the name of the Lord, so the Lord allowed Satan to strike Job himself. Job was given painful sores all over his body for a long time, but he still did not sin in what he said. His three friends (Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar) came to console him (1-2). Job: "I wish I was never born. I am miserable (3)." Eliphaz: "If you are innocent, why worry? But who can really be blameless in the sight of the almighty God? You are blessed for being disciplined (4-5)." Job: "I have no hope, God is striking me without reason and testing me every moment. I will complain out of my pain (6-7)." Bildad: "Are you saying God is not just? Just seek Him and He’ll help you, He won’t reject the blameless (8)." Job: "But how can anyone be blameless before God? How can anyone argue with Him? I am blameless, but God finds me guilty because all are guilty before God (9-10)." Zophar: "God’s ways are higher than you can understand. Just devote your heart to Him and leave your sin and He’ll help you (11)." Job: "You are all smearing me with lies. God causes all things good and bad; He makes rulers stagger and nations rise or fall. I just want to argue my case with Him. But could any of us lie to God and say we are blameless? He’ll figure us out. Why does God torment me though I am nothing? I’d rather die and wait for His anger to pass (12-14)." Eliphaz: "Your own mouth is condemning you. Is God’s consolation not enough? How could mortals be pure? Wicked men suffer torment all their lives (15)." Job: "Why are you shaking your heads at me? You’re horrible comforters, at least give me some encouragement! God is attacking me without pity, but I remain pure. My own friends treat me with scorn. All people mock me. My spirit is broken, but I have hope in death (16-17)." Bildad: "Wicked men bring calamity to themselves. Surely suffering comes to those who don’t know God (18)." Job: "If I really am in sin, that is my concern alone. All those I love have turned against me. Have pity on me, friends! Why do you strike me as God does? I have hope in that one day I will see God because my redeemer lives (19)." Zophar: "Horrible fates await the wicked. The joy of the godless is temporary (20)." Job: "The wicked prosper on earth. How often do their eyes see destruction? Everyone faces the same fate of death. The wicked do not suffer on earth, but God’s wrath is stored up for them instead. You’re all wrong (21)." Eliphaz: "What does God gain if you are blameless? You are suffering because you are wicked—you haven’t cared for the poor and widows and orphans. Submit to God and be at peace with Him. Then He will take away your suffering (22)." Job: "I just want to state my case before God. Then He will surely find me innocent. But I cannot find Him anywhere. Luckily, He knows that I have followed His commands without fail. God’s plans will always be carried out. Why do we have to wait so long for the day of judgment while the wicked prosper on earth? They are exalted now, but God knows their ways and they will pay later (23-24)." Bildad: "How can anyone be righteous before God as a mere human (25)?" Job: "How can we even try to understand the great power of God (26)? As long as I am alive I will not admit you are right—for I know I am blameless though you condemn me. What hope do the wicked have in death? God will not help them then. Though they prosper on the earth, they will suffer for eternity, and all that they left behind will go to the righteous (27). Treasures can be found on earth, but where can wisdom be found? Humans mine for gold and know gold’s worth and where to find it, but they cannot find nor comprehend the worth of wisdom. The Lord alone is wise, and He has concealed wisdom from humans except for this: the fear of the Lord is wisdom, and shunning evil is understanding (28). “Before, people respected and loved me because I was wise and did good deeds—I miss those days (29). Now, I have lost my dignity and all people mock me. I suffer immensely because God has turned against me. My suffering never ceases (30). I have not sinned because I feared destruction from God. If I have sinned, let destruction come upon me, I will it. If I have sinned, I should be judged. But I have not sinned. I don’t look at women lustfully, I am honest, I am faithful to my wife, I gave justice to my servants, I helped the poor, widows, and fatherless, I did not put my trust in my wealth but in God alone, I did not rejoice in my enemies’ sufferings nor sin with my mouth in curses, I treated my workers well. This is the case I wish to argue to God, if only He would answer me (31).” Elihu: [Is angry with Job for being righteous in his own eyes and justifying himself rather than God. Is also angry with Job’s 3 friends for condemning Job without being able to refute him] “I waited to speak and patiently listened this whole time because you are all older than me so I assumed you would be wiser. But it is the Spirit within that makes a man wise, not his age. None of you have proved Job wrong. The Spirit within me compels me to speak and I will not flatter any of you (32). "Job, argue your case before me, for I am just like you in God’s sight so you don’t have to fear me. You say that you have done no wrong, but yet God finds fault with you. You’re wrong. You complain God does not respond to you, but He does speak—though no one may perceive it—in dreams, visions, whispers in your ear. God is gracious to those who walk upright and delivers them from suffering (33). “Job says he is innocent and has done nothing wrong, yet God denies him justice. God does not do evil, He repays everyone for what they have done. God cannot pervert justice; can someone who hates justice govern? He does not favor the rich over the poor. He examines the ways of all mortals and punishes the wicked. Even if you repent and turn to Him, He will not reward you on your terms. Job, your sin is that you speak without knowledge, you rebel and multiply your words against God (34). “You say that you are right and God is not, yet you wonder what God gains when you do not sin. If you sin or if you are righteous, does it affect the Lord Almighty? Your wickedness and righteousness only affect other people. God ignores the prayers of the wicked. How much less will He listen to you and your case—you who claim that God never punishes and takes no notice of wickedness? Your talk is empty, all you do is multiply your words (35). “God despises no one. He punishes the wicked and helps the righteous. He correct those who sin and call them to repentance. He delivers people from suffering, but you are being given the judgment due the wicked. Be careful not to turn to evil in your time of affliction. Who can understand God in all His greatness? (36) Fear God in His almighty power. Can you ever understand anything He does? He is exalted in great power. People who fear Him are wise, and He has regard for the wise in His heart (37)." GOD: [to Job] “Why do you obscure my plans with empty words that lack knowledge? You will answer to me when I question you. Can you ever understand my ways? Who created you and everything you can and cannot see? Have you given orders to nature and has nature obeyed you? (38) Can you see all that is happening on the earth and know when and where everything will happen before it does? (39)" Job: "I am unworthy to reply to you. I will say no more (40)." GOD: "You will answer to me when I question you. Would you discredit my justice and condemn me to justify yourself? Are you as powerful as I? Then unleash your wrath on the wicked, humble the proud (40). Who can stand against me? To whom do I owe anything? (41)” Job: "You can do all things, no one can obscure your plans. I spoke of things I did not understand. Now I have heard and seen you, so I despise myself and repent (42).” GOD: [to Job’s friends] “You have not spoken the truth about me like Job has. Repent and Job will pray for you that I may spare you even though you did not speak the truth about me like Job did (42).” After Job prayed for his friends, the Lord restored his wealth and gave him twice as much as he had before. All people who had known him before came to eat with him and console and comfort him. Job had more possessions, family, and servants than ever before and lived to see 4 generations of his children, dying at 140 years old (42). Themes:
(1) I think the major point this book gets across is that no one can understand why God does what He does. Job’s friends wanted to believe that God does not punish the blameless so they did everything they could to condemn Job without proof, but in Job 1 we are told that Job is blameless and upright. The church today would very much like people to believe that if they walk in the Spirit and pursue righteousness they will not suffer (a great tagline to try to gain more believers). But in reality, everyone suffers—both wicked and righteous. Sometimes the righteous suffer even more because of the persecution that comes with boldly standing up for what we believe in, even when people don’t want to hear it. When we look at our lives and wonder why things are happening that we don’t understand, we have to accept that we may never understand. We are told in Job 1 that Job is punished to test whether he would curse God. Elsewhere in the Bible it is clear that God allows us to go through times of trials and temptations in order to produce in us perseverance which strengthens our faith so that He may use us for His purposes. If we fail in our time of testing, did we ever really believe? Perhaps this seems unfair to you, but in the end, who are we to ever question God and His just ways? (2) This book also makes it clear that true wisdom is in fearing the Lord. Job and his three friends spend chapters and chapters talking and talking—all empty words without knowledge (in the eyes of God). “Wise” men multiply their words so that they sound intellectual, but true wisdom is much simpler than that. Fear God. Have you ever met people who talk a ton about seemingly intellectual subjects but the topic never seems to make sense to you no matter how much they say? Did you get that feeling reading everything Job and his friends were saying—that it didn’t really flow or make sense? That’s a solid sign of a lack of wisdom. I only paraphrased their conversation, but read the whole book of Job and you’ll see what I mean. Those guys sure do talk a lot. (3) Job was self-righteous. What is meant by this is that he—in a last ditch effort to keep what little dignity he had left—spent the majority of the book proclaiming his innocence and complaining about God’s unjust punishment of him. He justified himself rather than justifying God—a sin both Elihu and God Himself called Job out for. In times of trails and temptations, no one can point a finger at God and ask, “Why are you doing this to me?” Are we as powerful as God? Do we understand His ways? Can we obscure His plans? God made sure to put Job in his place for such arrogance. We too should be careful not to repeat Job’s mistake. I recommend you take the time to read this whole book. It spoke a lot to me during a period of time in which my faith was being tested. When I thought I needed comfort and reassurance of God’s love for me, I really just needed to be put in my place and reminded that He is always in control. God is good! All praises to Him who gives us what we need, even when it is not what we want. I’m learning a lot more from the Old Testament than I thought I would (thanks be to God!). If you couldn’t already tell, I’m currently making my way through the book of Job. I skimmed the book in Mexico but I’ve spent the last few days actually reading each line. If I’m still inclined tomorrow, my next post will be more about the overall themes of Job and a paraphrase I’ve made of the 42-chapter book to get its main ideas across. Today, however, I feel inclined to talk about wisdom. Are you willing to entertain the idea that perhaps you might not be wise? Many of us spend our lives learning things, becoming experts in one or more areas. As we grow older, we believe that through experience we have gained wisdom and understanding. We look at those younger than us and sympathize with their lack of knowledge as we believe we were once in their place, but have since grown and learned. But is this where wisdom is found? Do all who grow old become wise? “I thought, ‘Age should speak; advanced years should teach wisdom.’ But it is the Spirit in a person, the breath of the Almighty, that gives them understanding. It is not only the old who are wise, not only the aged who understand what is right.” Job 32:7-9 So how can someone become wise? According to Elihu (the one quoted speaking above from the book of Job), it is the Spirit who gives us understanding. True wisdom is not something we earn or gain with experience. It is prayed into us. It is a gift from above, and it cannot be sought out. “There is a mine for silver and a place where gold is refined…People assault the flinty rock with their hands and lay bare the roots of the mountains. They tunnel through the rock; their eyes see all its treasures. They search the sources of the rivers and bring hidden things to light. But where can wisdom be found? Where does understanding dwell? No mortal comprehends its worth; it cannot be found in the land of the living...Where then does wisdom come from? Where does understanding dwell? It is hidden from the eyes of every living thing, concealed even from the birds in the sky.” Job 28:1, 9-13, 20-21 Gold is a treasure of the earth. Humans can search for it (though it is well hidden), find it, and understand the worth of the treasure they have just discovered. Wisdom, the most valuable of all treasures on earth, is not found in a similar way. Humans throughout the centuries have come up with many words to prove their own wisdom. Think of the wisest humans you’ve heard of and you’ll probably have people like Aristotle and Socrates on that list—philosophers who spent their lives talking and thinking and searching for answers. I’m not going to venture so far as to say that those people were not wise, but I will be so bold as to say that the majority of the US today is not. If many of us really were wise, the entire country would look much different. But what does wisdom look like? “And [God] said to the human race, ‘The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding.’” Job 28:28 Back on the topic of fear again. Do you tremble at the Word of God? When you read the very words that came from the mouth of Jesus, are you terrified? Think of the things that Jesus told us we need to do. Think of the challenges He posed to believers. Read the Gospels and I can guarantee you won’t look at your own life and say, “Alright, cool, I’m good. I’ve got it right.” I struggle a lot with this. I don’t fear God as much as I’d like to and, according to the Bible, that means I am not wise. This is something I agonize over in prayer, that He would grant me this fear. Consider this of yourself. You, the reader, may be so inclined to ask (as I have also wondered), “Do I need to be wise?” Is wisdom necessary? Fearing the Lord is so difficult. Surely it isn’t required of us and we can simply live our lives loving Him instead of fearing Him rather than approaching Him with both. I don’t have an answer to this question, but I do have a counter-question: If you really claim to know God, as in you’ve spent time in His Word and in prayer, seeking Him out earnestly with your whole heart, how could you not fear Him? Read Isaiah 6 or Revelation (or both). Imagine that God. That’s the God you’re talking to. How can you not fear that God if you know that He is the one you’re talking to? Yes, that God loves you. He pursues you and there is nothing you can do to be separated from His love for you. But He is not a big puppy. He is a wrathful, just, powerful, holy God who sends those who waste their lives in rebellion of Him to hell. Do you fear that God? It’s almost an insult not to, especially since He tells us to fear Him. Whether or not you care about being wise, perhaps you should care about if you are giving God what He is owed. “Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commands, for this is the duty of all mankind.” Ecclesiastes 12:13 Has anyone ever told you not to do something bad because, “God is always watching”? And have you heard that and rolled your eyes because how could God possibly be so involved in your life and your affairs that He cares if you steal a pack of gum from a convenience store or cheat on a homework assignment? You might want to read the book of Job. “Mortals, born of woman, are of few days and full of trouble. They spring up like flowers and wither away; like fleeting shadows, they do not endure. Do you fix your eye on them? Will you bring them before you for judgment? Who can bring what is pure from the impure? No one! A person’s days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed. So look away from him and let him alone, till he has put in his time like a hired laborer.” Job 14:1-6 Imagine the absurdity of the metaphor Job is using. Would you spend every waking moment watching a flower, from the day it blooms to the day it withers and dies, making sure it succeeds in its purpose as a flower and judging it harshly on the day it withers and dies for all the ways in which it fell short of your expectations for your flowers? I’m guessing you probably wouldn’t make time to do this, but God does. For all of us. “What is mankind that you make so much of them, that you give them so much attention, that you examine them every morning and test them every moment? Will you never look away from me, or let me alone even for an instant?” Job 7:17-19 He gives us that amount of attention, examining us every morning and testing us every moment. Have you considered that thought? That as you sit down and watch a movie, or as you spend time with friends, or go shopping, or work, or eat, or do literally anything ever, that God is examining you? That God never looks away from you? I think our lives would look a lot different if we actually believed that God never looks away from us. Too many of us fall into the trap of thinking that we can get away with things and God won’t notice, or that God is too big and great to care about literally anything we do ever. But He does. And we can’t get away with anything, ever. “Would it turn out well if [God] examined you? Could you deceive him as you might deceive a mortal? He would surely call you to account if you secretly showed partiality. Would not his splendor terrify you? Would not the dread of him fall on you?” Job 13:9-11 It’s easy to deceive our friends. It’s easy to lie to them and make them think that we’re doing alright and not sinning in our thoughts or actions. But does it even matter that you can convince your friends if you can’t convince God? Who cares what your friends think? Will their opinions of you matter when you come before God at the end of your life? Can they vouch for you and tell God that you are actually a blameless person when God already knows everything you’ve done literally ever? Can you even vouch for yourself and tell God that you are a good person? Can you stand before the Almighty God with thunder and lightning and beams and rays and rumbling surrounding Him and thousands upon thousands of angels screaming His holiness and a sword coming out of His mouth and fire all around and argue your case? “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:8-9 Don’t be deceived. If you think just because you can get away with sinning in your thoughts and actions in this life to the humans who live here, don’t assume you can do the same with God. God cannot be mocked. Even if you think you’re a good person because you’ve fooled other people or you serve the homeless and give to the poor, let me warn you that your judgment is not a pros and cons list. God will not look at the list of things you’ve done in your life and say, “Well, you’ve done more good than bad, so welcome to heaven.” We have all broken His law. We are all in need of His grace. If you're doing or thinking something that you'd be uncomfortable doing or thinking in the presence of the Almighty God, you should probably stop. Consider this often.
Please, don't try to save yourself. Rather, sow to please the Spirit. Do not grow weary in doing good. Get to know God and praise Him with your life, and when the time of judgment comes, His grace and mercy will be what saves you. The reason I have not posted for a few days is because I have been in Mexico on a missions trip. This post will be a bit longer than others, as I will be recapping my experience and the ways in which God showed up. Context: Every Thanksgiving break my school takes a group of 300-400 students down to Mexico where we split up into teams of 10-20 and serve different ministries such as kids, orphanages, expecting mothers, prisons, community service, etc. As God has so graciously allowed me to understand that my purpose is to glorify Him, I felt no use of my time could glorify Him more than serving others, so I signed up to work with expecting mothers. Leading up to the trip, I was very excited. I wanted nothing more than to be useful and to do the Lord’s work for those 5 days. I was excited to glorify my Father in heaven with everything I had. Then we arrived at the base camp. Now, there had been a waitlist for this missions trip—too many people signed up, and they even had to deny some applications though they brought more people this year than ever before. For my ministry, we had a team of 10 girls serving 3 expecting mothers. When I learned this, before we had even gone to the ministry site, I began to feel hopeless and useless. Why did they allow me to come if they didn’t need me? Was it really necessary for me to be there? So the first night I was very bitter. I began to doubt myself. I realized that I still hadn’t forgiven myself for what I did over summer. I hated myself, and I could not feel the love of God. How could He love someone like me? And without His love, how could I possibly serve anyone else? I felt anger build up inside me, and doubts filled my mind—is my relationship with God real or am I just repeating my mistakes from last year? Should I even keep trying to get to know God if I’m just going to repeat the past and hold onto these sinful emotions of anger, bitterness, and jealousy? “Give up,” the voice told me, “You’re never going to be as spiritual as all these people around you. You’ll never know God like they know God. How could God love someone like you?” Some might say I had been hearing from Satan. But God is a God who keeps His promises, and He doesn’t allow us to give up on Him so easily. On Sunday, our second day in Mexico, we went to a church service. The message was about (you guessed it) not giving up. The pastor told us that giving up is never an option. Rather, God is with us, and He wants us to reach out to Him for help. She said that in Isaiah God tells us He will strengthen us. He stands next to us, ready and eager to help. I looked up the exact verse reference later: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10 As I was reading the rest of Isaiah 41 and as I remembered her telling us how we must cling onto the promises God gives us, I recalled a word from God I had received on October 9, 2018. I had just woken up from a nap and this exact sentence ran through my mind the rest of the day: “Do not doubt the Lord’s ability to save the lost, redeem the wicked, and change the hearts of those who seek after His own.” And that’s exactly what I was doing in Mexico. I was doubting that the Lord could ever really redeem my wickedness or change my stubborn heart. But yet weeks earlier, He had promised me exactly that. Why would I doubt His abilities to do that now? Why should I rush His plans, or doubt His decision to reveal Himself and change my heart in His own time? This was a good realization. I do believe God had that pastor’s message planned for me, as well as others who needed to hear it. Yet, I still had difficulties feeling God’s love. I now knew He would strengthen and uphold me, and that He would change my heart in time, but I could not feel that He loved me or really cared about me. So I read Job, and boy did God speak through that book. “What is mankind that you make so much of them, that you give them so much attention, that you examine them every morning and test them every moment? Will you never look away from me, or let me alone even for an instant?” Job 7:17-19 Job spent the majority of his book crying out to God. He was suffering intense trials, beyond anything I or anyone I know has ever had to bear. Yet He understood that God was with Him in everything, and that God is still Just and Perfect. He did not understand why God was striking him with so much suffering, but He remembered the qualities of God, and stayed true to his faith. He persevered, though his trials were unfairly inflicted on him as he was innocent of such intense suffering. And finally, after spending the majority of his book crying out to God and arguing with his friends, God speaks to Job, but not with the loving comfort we might expect God to use in a situation like this. Instead, God tells Job: “Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand…Would you discredit my justice? Would you condemn me to justify yourself? Do you have an arm like God’s, and can your voice thunder like his?” Is that the kind of response you would expect God to give to Job—who had nearly everyone he knew murdered, lost all of his possessions, was inflicted with painful, full-body sores for months, and whose own friends couldn’t even console him without condemning him? Of course not. We would expect something like, “Job, don’t worry. I love you. I have a plan in mind. This will pass soon. Don’t be afraid. I am with you.” Instead, we get God’s actual response—much harsher, right? No direct statements of love, no reassuring comfort. He simply reminds Job that He is in control. That He is all-powerful, all-knowing, all-seeing, and that Job is not. So who is Job to question the plans of such a God? Who is Job to talk back to such a God, or think such a God is being unfair? Who is Job to question God and expect God to answer him? This is God’s response to me. Perhaps God has not revealed His great love for me yet. I know it with my mind, but I have not felt it in my heart. Perhaps God has not completely softened my heart yet either. Even so, why should I give up now? God is at work, even when I don’t see it or feel it. He has His plans, and I have mine, and in giving my life to Christ I agreed to willingly trade in my worthless plans for His almighty ones. We are blessed to be loved and deeply pursued by an Almighty God—so powerful that He does not answer to us. He listens to us, and He will answer our prayers, but in His time and in line with His purpose, not in our own time in line with our own purposes. He has called me to patiently persevere this time of difficulty in which I feel no love from heaven, but I know He will show up in His time, and He will continue to strengthen me and help me as I wait. I have a God who keeps His promises. I will cling to that truth, and He will never let me go. I will reply to God as Job did after hearing God’s response: “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted. You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said, ‘Listen now and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.” Job 42:2-6 This is the way in which God was at work during the past few days. He has not teased me with empty hope. He is not hiding His face from me so that I may suffer in silence. Rather, He is instructing me, strengthening me, disciplining me, and building me up in perseverance and dependence on Him and His promises. His will, His time, His way. I will accept everything He has decided for me. He has helped me to submit to His authority—an answer to my prayer from long ago. Praise be to God! “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away, may the name of the Lord be praised…Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” Job 1:21; 2:10 Today I finished the book of Acts, and my goodness, such an awesome read. The life of Paul is an exhortation in and of itself, and though I have read and been encouraged by his letters, it was equally as inspiring to read about and be encouraged by his life. So today I will talk about a few of the things I have learned in observing Paul’s life. “Friends, why are you doing this? We too are only human, like you. We are bringing you good news, telling you to turn from these worthless things to the living God, who made the heavens and the earth and the sea and everything in them.” Acts 14:15 Some context: Paul and Barnabas are in Lystra, “speaking boldly for the Lord, who confirmed the message of his grace by enabling them to perform signs and wonders” (Acts 14:3). The people of Lystra, upon seeing the signs and wonders, have begun to call Paul “Hermes” and Barnabas “Zeus”. They were even planning to offer sacrifices to Paul and Barnabas. When Paul and Barnabas heard this, they tore their clothes and shouted to the people about God, starting with Acts 14:15 (quoted above). “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. Elijah was a human being, even as we are. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops.” James 5:16b-18 Think of all the stories in the Bible where followers of Jesus did incredible things: resurrecting the dead, healing the sick, casting out demons, signs and wonders and miracles galore. We are so quick to put these followers of Jesus on a different level than us (like those in Lystra did with Paul and Barnabas), when in reality, they had no spiritual advantage. The only difference between us and them is that they prayed fervently and went wherever the Spirit led them, speaking boldly for the Lord and closely listening to and following His instructions. I’m not saying that if you’re not a miracle-performer, you’re not a true Christ follower. Not everyone who follows Christ can perform miracles. Personally, I think we are too prideful of a generation. In a world where people seek the praise of other people, how cool would it be to heal sicknesses and resurrect the dead? Yet these signs are not meant to bring glory to ourselves, but to God. What I am saying is that you are praying to and listening to the same God to which these people prayed and listened. You are being led by the same Spirit by which these people were led. Your sins were atoned for by the same Jesus. And if we’re going to believe this message, we’ve got to believe it. Do you really believe that your prayers are powerful and effective? James seems to think you should (James 5:16b). “And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.” Acts 20:22-24 Paul was a man who obediently followed the Spirit. Wherever the Spirit would take him, whatever the Spirit wanted him to say, whatever suffering he had to go through for this message, Paul was relentlessly committed. He submitted his entire life to the Lord, considering it worth nothing to himself. As he left his friends Priscilla and Aquila in Ephesus, he parted with the promise, “I will come back if it is God’s will” (Acts 18:20). So many of us go where we will. We base all our life decisions off of what we want and where we want to go and the job we want to have. But what is the Spirit telling you to do? Where does the Spirit want you to go? I’ve talked about being led by the Spirit in a previous post, but this is so important, because look at what the people who stay in step with the Spirit get to experience: "One night the Lord spoke to Paul in a vision: ‘Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. For I am with you, and no one is going to attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city.” Acts 18:9-10 “The following night the Lord stood near Paul and said, ‘Take courage! As you have testified about me in Jerusalem, so you must also testify in Rome.” Acts 23:11 “But now I urge you to keep up your courage, because not one of you will be lost; only the ship will be destroyed. Last night an angel of the God to whom I belong and whom I serve stood beside me and said, ‘Do not be afraid, Paul. You must stand trial before Caesar; and God has graciously given you the lives of all who sail with you.’ So keep up your courage, men, for I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me.” Acts 27:22-25 Did you catch that? The Lord spoke to Paul. The Lord stood near Paul. God Himself exhorted Paul, directed him, guided him, comforted him, encouraged him. And all Paul had to do was follow and serve. “God wants the praise for what we do in our lives. But if we never pray audacious, courageous prayers, how can He answer them? If we never follow Him to positions where we need Him, how can He show up and make His presence known?” - Francis Chan, Forgotten God Reader, I am so disheartened. I speak of these things and write these things to exhort myself. Even as I write this post, I know my website has no readers but myself as I have not yet shared it with anyone. I am talking to myself. Yet I am disheartened because I do not think people look at my life and glorify God. I am not walking closely with the Spirit. I am still afraid of the opinions of others. Pray for me, reader, that I may be bold in my faith and I will pray the same for you. This is absolutely everything. Nothing else matters. “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” Philippians 1:21 I don’t have many words of exhortation for myself today and I don’t think insightfulness should be forced so I will instead leave you with lyrics from my favorite song by King’s Kaleidoscope: “All Glory Be to Christ.” It is important to keep in mind that though you may not experience God the same way each day, the same purpose for you and the world remains: give all glory to Christ. Should nothing of our efforts stand “I will wait for the Lord, who is hiding his face from the descendants of Jacob. I will put my trust in him.” Isaiah 8:17 Do you ever feel like the Lord is hiding his face from you? Sometimes I do. Sometimes when I pray, I feel like I’m just talking to my room. I read in the Bible these stories of believers who saw visions and were audibly spoken to, and hear the same stories from my friends and wonder, “What am I missing?” Why can’t I experience the Holy Spirit, the presence of God, like they can? God has surely allowed me to come into His presence many times in the past few months, but not every time I come before Him do I feel as if I’m really coming before Him. Perhaps you, the reader, can relate. It is difficult to come into the presence of the Lord Almighty. But it’s also quite simple. God is creative. He reveals Himself in different ways, during different disciplines. Perhaps because God is a creative God, He wants us to be creative in our approach to Him. Perhaps a routine that looks identical from day to day is not going to get us very far. “It used to be that if I had a great worship experience, I asked God to duplicate it the next time I came to worship…One thing I’ve learned about God over the years, however, is that He rarely ‘does it again.’ He’s the Creator, which means that He is (among other things) creative.” I’m beginning to learn that same thing. My routine has looked almost identical from day to day: wake up, get dressed, pray the same prayers, read the Bible, then go about my day. But on the days where I switch things up a bit, maybe drive up the mountains, go for a walk, spend some time in worship, etc., He feels more present. God is good. He goes with us everywhere, and His presence really is an open door. But you still have to get up and walk through it. Act on your love for Him. Drive a little, sacrifice a little, walk in the rain, go out and have fun with Him. He delights in your joy, and He is present in every moment. Sometimes, to really feel Him there, you have to leave your comfort zone. “Jesus refers to the Holy Spirit as the ‘Helper’ or ‘Comforter.’ Let me ask you a simple question: Why would we need to experience the Comforter if our lives are already comfortable?” Even when I do not feel the presence of God, still I will praise Him, still I will trust Him, still I will listen to what He has to say. He reveals Himself in His time, I have no reason to be frustrated. He has already given me everything I have, what more could I ask? He has already allowed me to come into His presence many times, what more could I ask? Yet He continues to give and give and give. How awesome is our God!
“The Lord confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them.” Psalm 25:14 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” Proverbs 1:7 “Then they will call to me but I will not answer; they will look for me but will not find me, since they hated knowledge and did not choose to fear the Lord.” Proverbs 1:28-29 “Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell.” Matthew 10:28 It is very difficult to fear the Lord. Especially since we are a sinful generation who has been forgiven much and therefore loves much (Luke 7:47), it is difficult to think of God as Someone to be feared. One of the main issues why this is the case is because the word “fear” has been watered down. When we hear the word “fear,” there is a negative connotation. The things we tend to fear (at least in America) are other people’s opinions, demons, financial instability, and death (when we get close to it). We do not see the fear of these things as something we should apply to God. I would argue the opposite. We should not apply the fear of God to these things, but that is what we do. What hold do the opinions of other people have over us? Or demons? Or financial stability, or death? This life is a mist—a vapor. We are only here for a short time. Though these things may affect us now, what can they do to us for eternity? If you knew that in 3 years you would receive the entire inheritance of your grandparents (let’s say they were quite wealthy) so long as you followed the rules they set out for you, would you fear financial stability now? How much greater of an inheritance is heaven, and how much more loving of a Father is the Lord Almighty—that He would provide what you need even if you experience financial stability in this short time before you receive His inheritance? When I was young, I was taught that we are not to “be afraid” of the Lord. I was told “fear” is really just an exaggerated word for “respect” or “revere”. That’s much easier to do. Surely God is deserving of all our respect and reverence, especially because of the severe price He paid for us in the sacrifice of His Son. But here’s a crazy thought: what if fear actually means fear? We are ruled by what we fear. When we are afraid of what other people will think of us, we are ruled by other people—we act in order to receive positive opinions, saying only what we believe others want to hear rather than the truth. When we are afraid of financial instability, we are ruled by money—we will hoard it, save it, hold onto as much as we can, becoming greedy and stingy. But what happens when you fear God and what God thinks about you? Does it really matter then if all people hate you for speaking the truth (John 15:18-19)? Or if you don’t have enough money to provide food or clothing for yourself (Matthew 6:31-34)? Imagine what your life would look like if you lived in order to please and bring glory to God out of fear for His judgment. You wouldn’t care what other people thought about you, you’d spend a lot more time with Him, you’d rely on Him to provide for you so you can be generous to others, you’d care deeply for the poor, the widows, the fatherless. To me, this is what the performance of someone with healthy fear looks like. A professor once explained the performance of students who fear like a bell curve. Too much fear and performance will plummet because the student is overwhelmed. Too little fear and performance will also plummet because the student has no motivation to perform well. But get it ride in the middle, and performance peaks. If my word description doesn’t make sense, here is a simplified graph: In the same way, if we are crippled with our fear for God, there’s no way we’d be able to act out all His commands. These are the people who cannot have an intimate relationship with God like He desires out of fear that He is only a consuming fire (Hebrews 12:29) and not also a loving Father (Romans 8:38-39; 1 John 3:1) (for He is both). If we don’t fear God at all, we’re also not going to act out His commands. These are the people who stay in sin because they believe God loves them without punishing them, convinced that God’s grace covers their sins no matter if they repent or not (Romans 6:1-7). Neither of these lifestyles are God’s intention for us. And then those right there in the middle, who fear God because they are aware of the punishment they deserve, but also love God because of His grace, forgiveness, patience, kindness, forbearance, etc. These are the people like Paul, who realize they are the “worst of sinners” (1 Timothy 1:15-16) and were once “God’s enemies” (Romans 5:10), demonstrating their fear of God and His punishment for those who disobey unto death, but are equally in awe of His patient kindness that brings us to repentance (Romans 2:4) and understand that God’s great love for us was proven in the sacrifice of His Son, that we may all be justified freely by faith and live new lives in Christ (Romans 5:1,8; 6:4), demonstrating their love for God and thankfulness for His saving grace. "'When you spread out your hands in prayer, I hide my eyes from you; even when you offer many prayers, I am not listening. Your hands are full of blood! Wash and make yourselves clean. Take your evil deeds out of my sight; stop doing wrong. Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow. Come now, let us settle the matter,' says the Lord. 'Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the good things of the land; but if you resist and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword.' For the mouth of the Lord has spoken." No one says it better than the Lord Himself. He will surely listen to us and forgive us, blessing our willingness and obedience. But there is punishment for those who resist and rebel, and God’s wrath is saved for those who do not wash the blood off their hands. It is important not to stifle the wrath of God that instills fear in us with His loving kindness. It is equally important not to stifle God’s loving kindness with a fear of His wrath. Our God is both. Therefore, fear God, and love Him with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Who else is deserving of all praise? “Stop trusting in mere humans, who have but a breath in their nostrils. Why hold them in esteem?” Isaiah 2:22 |
AuthorFighting complacency and advocating change in myself for the world around me. Posts by Date
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